Is it necessary to get closure from broken relationships? Whether it’s a horrible breakup with your long-term boyfriend, or cutting ties with anyone else in your life, you may feel the urge to seek some solace in one final talk, if you will.
You’ll likely want to address the situation with this person, possibly to find a resolution, or simply to beat a dead horse — whichever comes first.
I get it; I know the feeling all too well.
Closure brings comfort. It makes you feel as though justice got served. But, the reality is closure makes us feel like our final decision to cut ties was, indeed, the right thing to do.
Closure is confirmation.
When you gain closure, you feel confident you are moving in the right direction, allowing yourself to move forward on a new path.
But, there is a tough pill to swallow here: Closure might not ever come, and you shouldn’t expect it.
Once you end the relationship, your ex has no obligation, whatsoever, to supply the final words you so desire.
If that one last talk never comes, you shouldn’t try to force it, as doing so will likely make things worse. You might end up in a uglier situation than before the attempt.
Trying to force closure in a previous relationship made me seem like a crazy, desperate stalker. You definitely don’t want that unless you’re prepared to burn a bridge (or a village, depending on how aggressive you are at beating the dead horse), which is no bueno.
Keep your dignity and refrain from forcing.
At one point in my life, I had to wait seven years just to gain the closure I craved from a long-term relationship. Was I expecting the closure at that time? Heck, no. It came as a total surprise, but it was still nice to receive, even after all those years.
All this means is closure might take a while, and the timing might not be on your own terms. It’s best for you not to hold on to the thought of getting closure when you’d like to have it because you’ll likely have to wait for a long while.
It’s important to keep in mind you cannot control whether or not the other party wants closure. But, you can control how you handle whatever closure you get.
If it’s not exactly what you want, take solace in the fact that you’re moving on, and eventually, you will be over it.
Maybe you have some words you desperately need to get off your chest. Writing a farewell letter could help. Getting rid of some things (old gifts, photos, files, etc.) and deleting a few contacts in your phone or social media could also help you to move forward.
Whatever the case, you are giving yourself closure, regardless of the other party’s status.
By demanding closure from someone else, you are basically choosing to stand still and not move forward until the other person tells you it’s okay for you to move on. Why torture yourself?
Keep in mind you are the only person in charge of your actions. You say when to stand still and walk ahead. Just imagine what’s ahead of you.
It could be anything — a new job, a new relationship, a restored life. How will you ever get there if you stay put? Get up and go!
So, do you need closure to move on? Yes, but that closure comes from within, first and foremost. The sooner you can get over the relationship, the sooner you can move on to better and bigger things.
As long as you can accept your conclusion, come what may, you will have the most reassuring form of closure you could ever ask for.