Finding What You Need Is Impossible When You Don’t Know What You Want

Relationships are funny. Sometimes they go like this: Girl meets guy, girl falls in love, guy breaks her heart, girl mourns the loss (but doesn’t learn from the mistake), and does it all over again. Rinse, lather, repeat.

It’s like we’re tripping ourselves just to see how many times we can bruise before we break.

Our bodies chase our hearts’ desires and mute the musings of our minds.

I blame curiosity. We shuffle men in and out of our lives as quickly as we change bedroom linens. We’re fickle for a reason.

Though many people claim they know what they want, they don’t necessarily know what’s best for them.

What we want and what we need often contradict each other. What we decide changes over time, too; as we age, we mature. We learn to pursue our needs instead of our desires.

You want a man who’s ambitious, but you need a man who will support you.

A man who goes after his dreams is exciting and sexy. However, there’s a fine line between pursuing your dream and abandoning others’ needs.

A real gentleman doesn’t lose sight of his woman’s wants and needs, no matter what his own ambitions demand.

His feet should be on the ground more than his head is in the sky.

You want a man who fights with you, but you need a man who fights for you.

People easily mistake drama for passion and passion for drama. Though we may love a man who puts up a good fight — who challenges us, whose fearlessness to snap back can translate into mind-blowing sex — what starts off as harmless bickering can become really tiring, really fast.

Instead of throwing all his energy into getting you riled up, your guy should be throwing his energy into resolving conflicts that threaten the relationship.

You want the man of your dreams, but you need a man who encourages yours.

It’s no secret that we measure a man in terms of what he offers to the world. But in doing so we fail to recognize what he offers as a partner.

What he does to bring home the bacon is important. What’s more important is that he doesn’t let his ventures compete with yours.

Only an insecure guy will feel like he’s in competition with you.

You want a man who eats you out, but you need a man who eats you up.

A guy whose resume simply declares that he’s “good in bed” may bring spice to your relationship.

But his skills alone won’t keep a partnership going. A guy who dotes on you — and goes down on you — is a match made in heaven.

Being Don Juan may get him deep between the sheets, but it won’t get him deep into your heart.

You want a man who’s good-looking, but you need a man who looks out for you.

A beautiful man is a great accessory to have, but looks go only so far. Men get beer bellies, go bald, and get wrinkly. In our youth, we tend to emphasize outward appearance. Instead, we should focus on the unseen.

In an ideal world, we would fall for the nice guy, the one whose generosity outweighed his beauty.

But because we live in a broken world, we’re blinded by deep voices and chiseled jaws.

You want a man who holds you, but you need a man who doesn’t hold you back.

Sex is great. Cuddling is even better. When we first fall for someone, we tend to develop tunnel vision, which convinces us it’s okay to stay in bed with him all weekend, every weekend.

In a good relationship, a woman is clearheaded enough to separate her romantic life from her personal life.

You should be with someone who encourages you to maintain balance, who motivates you to do the things you love.

You want a man who treats you, but you need a man who treats you the way you deserve.

We all like to be showered with gifts no matter what the circumstances, but we tend to forget one big thing: Material things are not synonymous with true love. What is synonymous with lasting love is respect (and some affectionate gestures).

You want a man who worships you, but you need a man who isn’t afraid to call you out on your sh*t.

Confrontation was never anyone’s favorite thing, but a little bit can go a long way. The One won’t shy away from putting you in your place when it needs to be done.

He’ll be smart enough to see through your walls and brave enough to challenge them.

A doormat for a boyfriend isn’t sexy.

You want a man who will travel with you, but you need a man who will show you the world.

The best relationships are those in which we learn the most about ourselves. Many women believe self-knowledge in romance comes from going on adventures, seeing places, and meeting new people.

Those women are misled. The right man won’t have to take you halfway across the world so that you learn about it. He’ll be able to teach you by leading you on a journey through your own mind.

You want a man who loves your music, but you need a man who makes your heart sing.

Common values — not common interests — sustain a real bond. Sure, it would be nice if your guy loved your favorite TV shows and movies. But real life doesn’t always work out this way.

Here’s what’s more important: Your partner should paint a future that looks like the one you’ve imagined for yourself.

You want a man who can carry the world, but you need a man who can carry your heart.

Every girl wants her Prince Charming. To most, this is the guy who’s “got it all”: looks, charm, money, balls. Hell, maybe even a magic carpet.

But he doesn’t need to be perfect. He just needs to be perfect for you.

Source: Finding What You Need Is Impossible When You Don’t Know What You Want

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