There are plenty of good reasons to stay with someone. There are at least thrice as many reasons to cut things off and move on with your life.
If the person you’re dating isn’t someone who’s deserving of you — if he or she doesn’t treat you with love and respect, make you happy, make you look forward to waking up in the morning next to him or her — then you need to hit the road.
I don’t believe in there being only one single person out there for each of us. Life is far too complex.
There are certainly multiple individuals out there in the world right now deserving of your love.
There could very well be dozens of men or women who would make you feel like you’ve met the one.
It’s not always his or her fault things aren’t working out.
And just because that is so doesn’t mean it’s your fault either — there’s probably no need for you to feel guilty.
When someone is not the right individual at the right time, then it isn’t going to work.
And be sure to avoid these eight guilty lines of thinking:
1. He or she is really nice, and you don’t want to hurt him or her.
Our world isn’t filled with many nice, good, honest people. They do exist, however, so when we find one and things aren’t working out, it can be difficult to let go.
You don’t want to let a good catch go, and you definitely don’t want to hurt him or her.
Unfortunately, being a nice, good individual isn’t enough to seal the deal.
Not to say being a good person isn’t a turn on — because the older you get, the more of a turn on it becomes — but if it isn’t working, it just isn’t working.
You can’t fake passion. You can’t fake love. If your heart’s not in it, then your body should follow suit.
Don’t feel guilty for things not feeling right.
2. You have a history.
History is tricky. You feel the person deserves your loyalty, and assuming this person always treated you with love, he or she does, however, only to a certain extent.
Once you breach a certain threshold, loyalty has no place.
History is important to build; it allows for a deeper level of trust and companionship.
Unfortunately, this means absolutely nothing if the person you’re dating at this very moment is treating you like garbage.
History is a great base to continue building your relationship upon, but if the relationship isn’t growing, if you know it’s dead in the water, then not moving on is a horrible decision.
3. You did once love this person.
It’s sad how loving relationships can be warped out of shape by the two individuals apparently trying to make things work.
I feel some people assume love alone is enough to make the relationship work.
I honestly wish it were so. I really, really do. Life would be so much easier.
The only way a relationship ever succeeds is if both individuals understand they need to MAKE the relationship work; the relationship won’t work out on its own.
Love gives you the illusion of inseparability, but if that’s true, then it’s only true for the individuals you were in that moment.
If you change, if things between you change, then the love may strengthen, but it may just as well fade.
4. You fear you may not find better.
You may be right — maybe you won’t find better. The beauty is you’re not looking for better; you’re looking for different.
“Better” is subjective. The truth is you have no idea exactly what or who you’re looking for.
You may have some idea of an outline, but you never really know until you meet that person.
I’m certain this is true because the only way for love to manifest is if it’s preceded by surprise.
5. You enjoy the lifestyle being with this person allows for more than you enjoy the person him or herself.
Maybe he or she is wealthy. Maybe he or she is somewhat famous.
Maybe he or she is adventurous like you yourself are and having this person in your life makes your life more enjoyable.
Or hell, maybe it is just his or her apartment that really does it for you.
Finding someone who allows you to live your life the way you want to definitely is nice, but it isn’t the only option.
You could create such a life for yourself.
You could find someone you love, and then create an even greater life together.
If you’re only staying together because you enjoy the things he or she brings into your life rather than how this person makes you feel when you’re around them, then you should feeling guilty, but only if you stay.
6. You don’t want to give up on a certain future for one filled with uncertainty.
If you hate uncertainty, you’re not alone. I can’t stand it. It’s silly to worry about it, but sometimes shutting off your mind or refocusing it isn’t the easiest thing in the world.
But do you know what’s worse? Being with someone you know you shouldn’t be with.
Without uncertainty, there would be no opportunity, no possibility of a better life. The best life is always a life you didn’t know you could possibly live.
It’s a life that always surprises you and reminds you you’re alive. Embrace the uncertainty.
7. You feel you don’t deserve better.
Do you deserve better? The only person who can accurately answer that is you.
Just be sure you’re being entirely honest with yourself and not simply wallowing about because you want to feel down.
Or because you’re taking the words and opinions of others as holding any meaning whatsoever.
People don’t know you. They don’t know your life, what you have to deal with, what you’ve been through or how well you’ve handled things.
They don’t know the difficult lessons you had to learn and are almost certainly poor judges of character to begin with.
If you’re trying to punish yourself by spending your life with the wrong person, then be my guest.
Just be sure you’re deserving of such a punishment — and that you can live with it.
8. You’re giving up.
If you aren’t feeling guilty about giving up on finding the right someone, giving up on your ideal future, ideal life, then I hope you are feeling guilty.
If you aren’t now, then you most definitely will be later down the road. If you think it’s hard to leave now, wait until you’ve devoted another few years of your life to them.
You may meet the man or woman of your dreams next week. You never know.